Wednesday, April 14, 2004

INAUGURAL

Welcome to Leotarded. I hope that this site will become a comfort to those of us who live, work, and chauffeur Leo I. I encourage you to send me your thoughts, inspirational ideas, or even ventings regarding Leo. I truly believe that if we all come together we will find strength in each other and can handle our emotions more effectively.

While I've toyed with the idea for this site for quite some time, I was finally prompted to take action by the fact that I recently learned I am carrying a Mini-Leo. As you can imagine, this has been a troubling time for me.

I think I'll get the ball rolling by reminding you of a few things:

1) Leo is a 34-year old man with no diagnosed mental or physical deficiencies, yet he only got his driver's license a few months ago. I was so happy when, on the third attempt, Leo finally passed his exam, and I proudly watched him beam as he stood in line among the 10th grade girls waiting to have his picture taken. However, in the months since, he has altogether stopped driving, and has wondered whether the hospital is close enough that I can get myself there when I go into labor.

2) Speaking of 10th grade girls, he watches high school romance movies at every available opportunity. He also made me rent and watch Bridget Jones's Diary, and spent the night of Valentine's Day watching Kangaroo Jack.

3) And, speaking of labor, he has several times "wondered aloud" about the necessity of his coming with me to the hospital at all, and thinks he would be out of the way and not "creeped out" if he spent the time at a neaby bar, which I would presumably have to drive him to on my way to the emergency room.

4) He plays chess between 30 minutes and nine hours a day-- I'd estimate about four hours on average. While playing, he sits at the edge of his seat and writhes around, occassionally grunting, and once in a while yelling out chess shit-talk, which is sort of like machismo at a Star Trek convention.

5) He sincerely, unironically loves the song "One Night in Bankok."

6) He thought until recently that lambs grew up to be sheep if they were female and goats if they were male. He did not know, when asked, where goat's milk came from.

7) In colder weather, he snores like a bullhorn. Sometimes the snores are rapid and rhythmic; sometimes they are infrequent, spasmodic explosions. He does not appreciate being turned over or nudged when snoring, claiming that such activities "wake him up" and are "mean." Occassionally, the snores are replaced with convulsive yells, such as "THAT WOULD BE A GOOD JOB!" When pressed, he clarified that the job he was thinking of was forensic scientist.

Well, I hope these will get you started.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I love Leo.

3:42 AM  

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