Friday, April 16, 2004

HOW TO TALK LEOTARDED

Okay, I understand that this blog is new, and maybe you guys don't quite get it yet, so let me make something perfectly clear. This s NOT a pro-Leo blog. It is not acceptable to sympathize with or defend the Leotard in my comments section. Howard obviously needs to keep his child-birthing comments to himself, since he was raised by a right-wing militia of Florida swamp people who probably think the women folk should go squat under a mangrove tree and squirt out the youngun' without hollerin' so loud as to interrupt the cock fighting, and if she is so weak as to die in childbirth she better make sure she floats downstream so as not to attract gators to the hut.

And, Eric, I must admit that "work" and "live" are not transitive verbs except in phrases like "work your milkshake" or "living la vida loca," which are not what I was going for with "live, work, and chauffer Leo I." However, I must remind you that the purpose of this site is not to nitpick my grammar. You are distracting my readers from the object of the blog. So, focus, please. To help, I am posting below a list of linguistic leotardisms, all of which are available for further discussion here.

Type 1: Cutesy, seventh-grade girl vocabulary terms

DIFF = difference: "What's the diff whether I say 'paper towel' or 'paper towels'?" CAZH (as in 'Zsa-Zsa') = casual: "There's nothing wrong with 'diff,' it's more cazh." DISS = dissertation: "I can't be so cash when working on my diss." ZA = pizza: "Did you hear Clayton say that he wants some 'za'? That guy needs to stop being so cazh with the slang. There's a bif diff between 'pizza' and 'za.'"

Type 2: Problems with plurals

PAPER TOWEL = paper towels: "Please pass me some paper towel." MILK BONE = Milk Bones brand dog treats: "Arthur is getting low on Milk Bone."

Type 3: Tut tut, Guvner! Mum said to ring for a lorry! Or, Pretensious Britishisms

PRAM = baby buggy TAKE THE PISS OUT OF = to deflate someone's ego [ There are many more of these. I will update later.]

Type 4 = Alex Trebek's Wet Dream of Pronunciations

EHHCHKKLAIR = eclair KKKKKKORDO BLUH = cordon bleu HOT OFF THE PRESS! The Leotard was offended by this last entry because I did not enough emphasize the French pronunciation of the 'N' in "cordon."

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