Tuesday, April 27, 2004

FRANKINCENSE, MYRRH, AND MAN-SEED

Well, it seems Leotarded is making the Leotard watch his tardness a little more, so I don't have much to report from these last few days, but here's a scant update.

Leslee reminded me that Leo thought the reason his pillow was so much dingier than mine was that his hair is brown. There is still a heated debate about whether he was joking when he said this. I firmly believe he was not, but he insists he was, so take from it what you will.

That reminds me of one of Leo's habits. Whenever he says something leotarded he tries to deflect attention (either mine or his own) by suddenly talking to the dog. A typical conversation goes like this:

Leo: "I can't believe they didn't have any lamb at Super Saver. What kind of self-respecting grocery store doesn't carry lamb? Of course, they had adult lamb, but no actual lamb."
Me: "I didn't even see that they had mutton."
Leo: "No, not mutton. Goat."
Me: "GOAT? You think goats are adult lambs?"
Leo: "Yeah. Male ones. The female ones are sheep and the male ones are goats."
Me: "Are you kidding me? You have to be kidding."
Leo: (Softly this time.) "No.... Lambs are baby boy goats..."
Me: "Then where do you think goat cheese comes from?"
Leo: "Aww, Arthur's a good dog. Aren't you? Aren't you? Yes. Yes you are! Yes you are!"
Finally, here's the wittier, evil side of the Leotard. For the past few weeks he keeps saying things like "I like Godiva truffles, in case you ever want to get me anything" and "I like Le Creuset saucepans, in case you ever wonder what to get me." Finally I said, "Christmas is 8 months off and your birthday is 10. Why are you telling me this?" He said, "In case you ever want to get me an I-love-you present." I thought long and hard for several minutes, and said, "Besides the time you bought me a 'welcome home' flower, when have you ever given me an I-love-you present?" And he said, "Well, I knocked you up didn't I?"

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